A Bigger Heart

This is hard for me to admit. For the past few years of my life, I cultivated a small heart.

It was easy to limit myself. I wanted a safe life, avoiding pain and getting into close relationships with others. I sought deafness and blindness to a degree - "after all, there's so much pain in this world, I can only hear and bear so much of it, right?"

But after going to Thailand, I'm slowly realizing how just how ridiculously small my heart was.

God wanted me to cultivate a big heart.  With a bigger heart, yes - there is increased vulnerability, increased pain.  But it is only a bigger heart that God can truly use.

Please allow me to share with you some ideas from "Disciplines of a Godly man", By R. Kent.

With deafness, I will never hear dischord. But I will also never hear the strings of a symphony.

With blindness, I will never see ugliness. But I will also never see the beauty of God's creation.

Without playing baseball, I would never strike out.  But I will also never hit a homerun to win a game.

Without climbing a mountain, I'll never fall.  But I will also never be able to stand on alpine peak.

Having a bigger heart has its risks but it also has its rewards.  I think God is challenging me even in my life now to see if there are any other spots which I need to expand my heart out to, so that He can use me to pour out his grace into the life of others.

Jesus is a prime example of this.  After all, He gave his precious, sinless life up for sinners like you and me. But he also showed it particularly when He passed through Samaria where he reached out to a Samarian woman. 

"A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) (John 4:7-9, ESV)"

This presented a few barriers. There were cultural, economic, social, gender barriers to name a few. Rabbis did not talk with women.  Samaritans and Jews had no dealings with each other, in fact Samaritans married into and the Assyrians, so they were almost treated like aliens in the Jewish community. There was even an old Jewish prayer that said "do not remember the Cuthites (Samaritans) in the Resurrection" and some other sayings such as "Let no man eat the bread of the Cuthites (Samaritans), for he who eats their bread is as he who eats swine's flesh." So there was definitely beef between Jews and Samaritans.

But Jesus reached out to this woman despite these barriers because He had a love that was genuinely concerned for her salvation.  He knew that she was stuck in sin and needed to be forgiven.  She was thirsting more and more, but could only be satisfied with the living water that only Jesus could give.

Going to Thailand helped me to see this small heart that I've had, and the barriers that I've let keep me away from loving others in my personal life. It is my prayer that God will continue to break these barriers down. That I will genuinely care for those around me and cultivate a bigger heart and be sensitive not to things important to me, but important to God.  

It is not natural to cross barriers. It takes the supernatural heart of Christ.  

Father, give me a bigger heart - a heart like that of Jesus - a heart that cuts through barriers.

A bamboo wall in the village we visited. Jesus' love penetrated this wall - 10 people made professions of faith.

Missions team members praying over a village woman and her child who was sick.

Two of the boys I met during our outreach to the children's home (not ZOE).

Ordinary --> Extraordinary

I'll admit, before this trip, I was worried.  I didn't think I was prepared enough - what if I can't teach the electives well, what if my abilities aren't good enough, what if I can't communicate effectively?

But on the Sunday before our missions team flew out to Thailand, Pastor Gavin gave a brief message on Mark 8:1-10. In the passage, Jesus took something ordinary and did the extra-ordinary.  He was before a great crowd with thousands of people, and had compassion on them because they followed him around for 3 days and they were hungry.  So he took a few loaves of bread and some small fish and multiplied it.  

After hearing this message, I remember having a huge burden lifted off my back. It wasn't about my faults, my abilities, my lack of faith, the language barriers, or anything like that.  It was about God taking the ordinary to display the extraordinary. It was then that I realized that all the doubts I had in my mind were actually good. They brought me to realize I could not do anything on my own. That I needed to have faith that God would take someone ordinary like myself, like each person on my team, and use us to display the extra-ordinary - His love and grace shown through Jesus.

This was most evident on Day 10 when we went to the children's home which was not headed by ZOE. There were about 24 children under only one father and mother as caretakers. 

We weren't sure if they were raised in a Christian atmosphere. We don't know the exact details but they were in a small house with bamboo walls and a thin sheet of aluminum for a roof. The rooms between the boys and girls were divided by a folding wall. Their conditions were horrible.  They were starving - when we brought them dinner, the gobbled it up quickly and we gave them seconds, thirds, some of us even giving our own food away. 

But as we played games with them, sung songs with them, and shared with them the good news that God their Creator loves them, their expressions turned into smiles.  Some accepted Jesus that night!  Just before we left we gave out more things - ordinary things:  food, toys, blankets.  Their faces were shocked with joy.  Our team guide and planner, Betsy, made sure that the kids were left with the most important message: 

"These toys, they will get old and will break. These blankets, will wear out.  The wonderful food left here, will be eaten up and eventually gone. But you now have something that will last forever. A relationship with Jesus! If you have Jesus in your heart, He will never leave you. And you will go to Heaven one day!"

God took the ordinary - toys, blankets, food, and imperfect worryful people (like me) and turned it to extraordinary - to share the love of Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of all my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For Christ's sake then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Get up

It happened again. I awoke at 5am with my heart throbbing and adrenaline pumping as I laid in bed. This has been happening for the past 6 months ever since the day I committed to the Thailand mission trip.  I thought it was just for me to get up in prayer for the mission trip.  Well, the mission trip is done.  Why then, did it happen again?

I asked the Spirit to whisper to my heart on why am I being awakened so early. Is there something He anxious about? I could feel the intensity and urgency in my heart.

I closed my eyes and finally felt the Spirit tug at me. Tears filled my eyes. He didn't have to say anything because it was apparent. There is no other place that I should be at that moment except on my knees, face down, begging, crying out in tears to my God, to save my family. I should be begging God to wreck my heart so that the Gospel is the single most important thing in my life. It is THE greatest message I could ever give to someone - and they needed to hear it.

I received my next mission field. I needed to trust in God and bring Jesus to those I value the most in my life.

I don't picture myself as bold, because naturally I am not. I'm not a strong speaker,  powerful leader, wise theologian, or intelligent strategist. I'm just an IT guy.  And although I don't have all the answers, there's something in the back of my mind reassuring me that the power of God is tremendous and He can use me and equip me for any task be it is in His will.

My life needs to change. My entire schedule needs to be wiped clean. I need to spend time with my family and love them more. I need to pray for opportunities to share the Gospel. There would be times in Thailand when in a split second rain would shower down and flood the fields - I needed to rain down prayer in my life and call on God to fill every crevice of my life with the love of Jesus. I needed to meet with those in my family who are saved and with them pour out cries for God to save the rest of our family.

Somewhere along the line between when I got saved and the mission trip, I have been hit by a flaming dart sent by the evil one to forget the tremendous power of the Gospel. But I am thankful to God that the dart has been ripped out. 

• God loves us! "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)  If this verse was real to me, I should have unimaginable joy and there should be an urgency to share this with everyone.
• God wants to save us! "It is the power of God for the salvation for everyone who would believe" (Romans 1:16). If this verse is real to me, then I should have no regrets in sharing the message of salvation. There are people waiting to hear about Jesus.
• God wants us to know Him! "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that He might bring us to God" (1 Peter 3:18a) I went across the world to share this news that God wants a relationship with them, but I need only drive a few miles to share it to my family.

And so - I cried out to God for my family.

We're Back!

I honestly can't believe all this stuff happened.

I could go on and on about each day (and do plan to in the future). But for the sack of brevity in this post, I'll summarize.

It was a life-changing experience. God has shown himself to be faithful. He showed me that Jesus is the answer. He showed me that the Gospel is moving and changing lives in Chiang Mai, Thailand. He showed me that He can use even me, even in my faults and unworthiness, to make the Christ known. He showed me that in my weakness, He will strengthen me and equip me to do His will. He showed me that when His body, the church, abounds in love and works together we can accomplish mighty things for Him! He showed me that He can use the ordinary to do the extraordinary!

So what did we do?

We had fellowship with the ZOE family - children who are orphaned, at risk or rescued from human trafficking, parents, staff, and ministry students.

One of the electives I taught was scratch art.  These kids are creative!

With ZOE ministry students and OEM, the Korean church who was there at the same time, we shared the gospel at a remote Lisu village five hours into the Thai country.  Ten villagers came to know Jesus as Savior!

We went to a nearby school and shared the creation story and the ZOE ministry students shared the Gospel. Many students came to faith!  We received over 170 cards of commitment.

We went to a children's home (not a ZOE children's home), and it was heartbreaking to see their conditions... 28 orphaned children under one father and mother as caretakers.  We were able to bring them not only food, toys, supplies, and blankets, but most importantly, something that lasts forever. An opportunity for them to meet their Savior and Lord, Jesus. Some were saved that night!

Thank you.  Thank you for your support financially and prayer.  You were a direct part of this trip. Your contributions paid for gas for us to visit the villages, it paid for food, toys, supplies for our outreach as well as for some activities and food time spent to fellowship with the ZOE family.  Your prayers prepared us to share the love of Christ from our hearts, actions, and our mouths, it allowed hearts to receive the message of the Gospel. Praise God for brothers and sisters like you! I'm thankful that we share in the same Father, the same Spirit, and the same Savior.

Please continue to pray:

1. That the souls that came to know Christ during this trip would grow to know Him more through His Word.  That they would be followed up on so that they can be kept accountable in their walk.
2. That each member of the team would be strong as they jump back into the tasks of life back here at home.  That they would chew on what happened each and every day and the lessons taught by God would be carved into our hearts.  That we would hold up shields of faith to extinguish the flaming darts that the evil one would throw at us to discourage us, and we would put on the armor of God. That each of us would be able to discern what God's will for us is in missions.
3. That the ZOE family would be encouraged in the love that God shown through us. That ministry students would be fueled to share the gospel fervently and lovingly in the villages.  That God would send more workers in the field.  That the Ahns (full time missionaries from our home church Lighthouse Community Church in Torrance) would be encouraged and strengthened by the team's visit!

I plan to make more blog updates to go over each day in detail. If it interests you, please check back every few days. Thanks for reading!

In His service,
Anthony

My Story of Missions - Part 1

I have been blessed by God on this mission trip to Thailand, from the very beginning to the end. I’ve learned so much I really don’t know where to begin. 

Let me start by saying that this has been the greatest experience for me in my whole life, second to accepting Jesus into my life.  If you knew me when I became Christian, I never – never – considered going on a missions trip.  My heart was tough for missions – more than a rock... as a steel ball - each of these 14 years of being a Christian.

“I don’t want to go to Africa.”

“I don’t want to go into villages.”
“I don’t want to get malaria.”
“I have to work and build up my career first.”
“I don’t want to use my vacation time.”
“I don’t want to bother people.”
“I’m too busy.”
“God can’t use me.”
“I don’t know how to share the gospel.”

But in the past year alone, God tore into my heart and I felt Him say in response:

“Anthony, how dare you say these things? My Son died to save you. He died to save everyone who would believe. Just share what Jesus has done for you. Plant the seeds. I’ll grow the hearts of those who you’ll talk to. Go and I will meet you. I will use you. I will equip you.  I will send armies of angels to watch over you. I will give you the words to say. Trust in Me. I’m the God of this universe. I’ll protect you. I’ll take care of you. I’ll never leave you.”

I didn’t always feel this way.  My first step in my journey on missions was talking to a friend I met last year from Lighthouse named Megumi. I was shocked to hear she was in Japan for missions for 5 years.  FIVE YEARS!  Almost 20% of her life.  No doubt it sparked my curiosity as to why she would do such a thing, and how she did it.  I don’t think I actually asked her those questions, but immediately I knew what the answer was.  It was simple.  It was Jesus.  Jesus loved her, and she loved Jesus.  She wanted to share who Christ was with people in Japan – who were lost and needed Christ to save their lives. Only the love of Jesus could compel someone to make such a sacrifice. So I asked her what she recommended for me to find out more about missions.  She recommended taking a class called Perspecives.  I prayed about it for 5 months and finally decided, why not – lets just take it!  It’s not like I’m committing to a mission trip or anything.

Little did I know that God had something in store for me in that class.  My Christian life took a turn upside down.  I learned that it was God’s plan to save us in the beginning. That since Abraham was sent by God to be a father of the nations, God made a pact with him to make His name known and to bless people. Throughout the Bible, it has been shown that God loves us and wants to save us all. My heart suddenly grew to want what God wants, and that was to see people who needed Jesus to be saved.  No, not everyone will accept Jesus… but there are millions of people who are willing to hear the Gospel at this moment and will accept Christ in their heart. Oh how to be used by God to bring the same salvation that came into my life, changed me from the inside out, gave me a hope like none other, gave me the greatest thing I could ever imagine – to be save and to have an intimate relationship with the Living God. 

I completed the Perspectives class with a new vision of the world.  Not as sphere with masses of land that I don’t want to visit or care about, but as a mission field for people who needed to hear the amazing life-giving and life-saving news of Jesus. 

This was only the beginning... To be continued...

45 Days Until Thailand

There are only 45 more days until Thailand with ZOE and Lighthouse Community Church!  I'm excited to see what God is doing and be a part of it!

I'm creating this blog to show the progress of the trip from my side, and perhaps little tid-bits that God has been showing me on my journey of preparation until after I return!

So far we have chosen the elective classes, finalized the message presentation, practiced the songs, and went over all the prep information.  I will be teaching the scratch art elective and pop up art - which I think is a new elective for them.  Hopefully the art will inspire them to realize they themselves are art, created by God uniquely, beautifully, purposefully, and that He loves them tremendously. They are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Even more so that He gave His Son in their place - "for Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that He might bring us to God." (1 Peter 3:18) God wants to bring us to Him to know Him - this is such a blessing!

I think I'm thankful to God in how he has been preparing me in the past 6 months. Never have I been so amazed by Jesus and sensitive to the word, and excited to hide its truth in my heart. The word has been speaking loudly than it ever has.  Or rather, my ears have been more open than it ever has.  "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two edged sword" - protecting me from my own intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12) I'm thankful for the Bible, the book Disciplines of a Godly Man, the plethora of great messages on the internet by John Piper, John MacArthur, Voddie Baucham, the messages from Lighthouse Community Church - all of which spur me on to know Christ.


My prayer requests are:

1. Hearts of the people we meet would be prepared to understand Gospel.
2. Unity among our team members in support, love, protection, and trust.
3. To see how God is healing the trafficked children through love only Jesus could provide. 
4. To develop friendships with the Thai ministry students and teaching them English (which is by my worst subject - hopefully correct grammar I shall teach them yes).
5. To enjoy the fellowship and partner with the staff and long-term missionaries who are working with ZOE to spread the good news of Jesus to the Thai people and fight human trafficking.
6. To sharing what Jesus has done for my life boldly, eagerly, and gladly.
7. To be used by God in any way possible for the trip.That I would solely trust in Him and not in my own strength (and not to wither in weaknesses).

Thank you!  There will be more updates to come!

Anthony